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A Marriage Not Just A Wedding

Posted on April 5, 2014 at 8:48 PM Comments comments (305)
A wedding is just a day but a marriage is for a lifetime. Many couples entering into this sacred union never looks at the marriage they only focus on the wedding. There is nothing wrong with celebrating your union in a big way or a small way that is strictly up to you but remember that the focus should be on the marriage. 
There are some traditions where the wedding is more than one day. It maybe as little as one day or as much as a week however no matter what the tradition is it has a set amount of time to begin and end. There is an ending to the wedding aspect of the union. It has to end so that the meat of the relationship can begin and grow. That is the marriage. There is no set time for that to end unless you say for a lifetime as God has ordered it.

The marriage is the union that will allow the couple to remain sealed together through many seasons of their joined life. They will experience seasons when they will find themselves in the valley. A place with many difficulties. A place where it will pull on the union and challenge the couple to seek a place in God to sustain then and give then a direction so they can get out from under. Once the couple has had a few of these seasons they will learn that God is the driving force in their marital union and that He orders their steps as long as they seek Him for His marital guidance. 

Likewise the marriage will have seasons where the couple will be on the mountain top. Nothing could go wrong and they delight in the joys of being one together in Christ Jesus. They experience big highs and it seems the lows will never come. Once more they are sealed in God's love and protection and the marital union grows and develops. The marriage yields its fruits and the couple grows closer than they ever have before. 

It's the seasons of marriage that is what the union is. It's the development of their love of each other and Christ that makes the marriage work. It's being able to count on one another to support the growing relationship of the union that would never have been if it was only the wedding and nothing else. When you seek to be joined in a marital union remember that the ultimate goal is the lifetime marriage and not the day long wedding. Seek the joys of the wedding day but desire the lasting longevity of the marriage. Marriage done God's way will give you the joy of both.

A Marriage for Three

Posted on March 17, 2014 at 9:34 AM Comments comments (419)
How in the world can you be a couple in marriage yet have a marriage for three? In fact why would you want to be married and have another person in your marriage? On the surface these are great questions and make a lot of sense. However as a Christian we know that our marriage based on God's creation includes Him. In fact without God as your center than eventually your marriage will fall and die
Who goes into marriage expecting that the union would die? That to me does not make sense. You go into marriage expecting it to last for a lifetime. Having this thought pattern encourages you to seek out ways to keep your marriage healthy and alive. The best and only way to do this is to include that third person. That being God. He is the centered of the union. He is and will guide you as a couple because after all He created the union in the first place. No God no real marriage. With God a lasting faithful marriage. Just that simple.

It is true the closer you as a couple move toward God and His ways the closer you will move toward each other. You have a base to build from. You have solid ground to grow from. You have someone during times of trouble. You have all that you need to live a lifetime with your spouse. Marriage without God is just one big date. In order to become one together you must have God as your cement and your super glue. God will never let you down and he loves the union because its more than just two people joining together. It's the couple joining together with him becoming the family that he created the world to be.

With God as your center the couple can be fruitful in all their ways. They can produce the good fruit and blossom and grow. Even in their old age they are still happy together in love because God is still their guide and their first love. Try God. Make sure that you have a marriage of three so that a three cord string together is stronger. You will need His strength to weather all of the seasons of marriage. Remember marriage God's way is for a lifetime. The only way to achieve this is to have a marriage for three.

Butterflies

Posted on February 3, 2014 at 3:15 AM Comments comments (133)
Valentine's Day is coming and most of us have a focus on love. Recently my husband and I have been spending a lot of time together. This is really a first for us.

 While we are close to 40 years of marriage during most of that time we had to divide our time together with all of the other things that we had to do to maintain our life. 

You know what they are building a God center life and home. Working, raising children, paying bills, just trying to make it while we grew together as a couple. Now we are empty nesters and I'm semi-retired. My husband however still works full time. Recently we have been blessed with him being off for three months on a long overdue vacation. He has had time on his hands and has been able to rest. We knew that he would be going back to the rigid pace soon so we just enjoyed this rare treat that God blessed us with.

It has been amazing to be together everyday just being a couple. We have found each other once more. Only this time things have slowed up. There are still bills to be paid but not as many. We still interact with our children but they are grown. Now we just go and play with our grandchildren. We still have to work but it's not in the same way. We laugh more than ever. We miss each other more than ever and we cuddle more than ever. 
Its as if another chapter has opened up for us. We are excited about how we will be when we both really retire completely. When we will be able to do the marriage and relationship ministry full time. When he can create his art and I can write my fiction novels. When we will be able to just do whatever we want to do together. During this short time where God has blessed us with a preview of how our life would be we are so grateful that we have each other.

We are so thankful to our Lord that He allowed us to see how marriage His way turns out. He showed us that as we continue to live as He ordered us to then every season will bring us to a unique lifestyle. One that encourage us to grow in Him and love deeper than we ever have. I never thought it could get any better than what we had and now I know that it's going to get even better. 

I encourage you all to keep growing and loving each other in the way that God created marriage to be. Enjoy each season no matter how tough it is. Never stop working hard to maintain your marriage on steady ground. Remember as long as you strive to become one together in Christ each season will surprise you with a joy that you never knew could be.
 
One day married or 40 years married you will always look at each other and feel the butterflies. You will always get that feeling that you were meant to be. You will be complete and united. You will enjoy life as God has ordained it for you and know that you are never alone. You will be cemented together during the good and the bad.
 
Then like the picture above you can say that:"Your spouse still gives you butterflies"

Falling In Love Everyday

Posted on December 4, 2013 at 4:27 AM Comments comments (40)
Being married comes with many rewards that most couples overlook. We have been blessed with a lifetime partner. Someone that we can have fun with and do things with for as long as we have life within us. When we approach our marriages with this in mind then there should never be a dull moment. We should embrace the fact that we don't have to be alone. We have someone that will be there to do all the things that we can to do. While we have a joint focus in our everyday living we must likewise have that same type of focus in our togetherness.

When we come together in just fun and relationship before we know it we start to fall deeper in love again. Being together enjoying one another as your partner and friend will deepen the love level that is your base. God blessed us with being together as one for a lifetime. For most that is at least sixty years. Just think what you can do with those years. Yes we have to take time to build the family, home, and business.

However at the same time we must remember to build the love. The more we are together just being playmates, buddies, and best friends the deeper the love grows. In fact you can fall more in love each day. What I have found over the close to forty years of marriage with my spouse is that now after empty nest we have developed a patterned that allows us to just enjoy each other. Each week that passes I've noticed that our love has gotten stronger.

It has dived deeper in the sea of love. No matter how deep it goes down we never drown but bounce up to the surface with more joy and love then we could image that we could ever have. I'm here to tell you this month to keep loving. Everyday provide time for you and your spouse to laugh and play. He/she is your own personal playmate enjoy each other. If you can't play a game then make each other laugh. Laughing is the greatest way to bond and it will keep your love level growing deeper. 

I encourage you this month to seek ways to cause your marriage to reach a deep level of love. For most people we are heading into the season where the weather outside is cold. You want to be in the house cuddling with your best friend. When you do this then you will see the little buds of new love growing. As you keep watering those buds and feeding them then your love will just take off and you will be back to a level of joy that you could not ever thought could be. Enjoy the life time gift that God has given us. Seek a deeper love each and everyday with just a little bit of fun and joy added to your norm and before you know it you will be deeper in love with one another. 



 

Staying in Love is for a Lifetime

Posted on October 1, 2013 at 1:15 AM Comments comments (42)
People are falling in love everyday. Then you notice that after a short run they are out of love. More and more today I'm hearing couples who have been married less than three years announce that they are no longer in love. This made me wonder why? After all of the hoopla over the wedding and the honeymoon then the first year of marital bliss the real life marriage begins. This is the time when the gloves come off and the true face is shown. 

This is the time that the couple should dig in and become determined to grow their love and relationship. A lasting love takes work, time and patience on the parts of both spouses. The marriage will go through many seasons of change. During those changes the couple will experience different degrees of their love. There will be times when the couple might look at each other and just not feel that loving feeling.

Its during those times that the couple must choose to love one another and push their marriage to another level. People fall in love everyday for many reasons. We see it on TV and in the movies where people meet and then before they know it they are in love, in bed, and standing before the preacher. They have a crazy relationship and end up separated or divorce. Its funny and we think that this is the way love really is. You fall in, have fun, and when it gets rough you move on.

This is not love or a base for a long life with the love of your life. Everyday from the moment you become one you must pray over your marriage. Set your mind to work on keeping your marriage healthy and choose to love no matter what. As the couple in the above picture shows us staying in love is oh so special. This is what God ordained marriage to be and all marital couples should set staying in love as their marital goal. To love one another by any means necessary is ok but to love each other with God as your center will allow for that goal of staying in love for a lifetime.


What is Love?

Posted on September 2, 2013 at 2:52 PM Comments comments (69)
What is Love?
This question has been asked so many times. Each time its asked you get a different answer. We have looked at love from the bible's point of view and we have looked at love from the world's point to view. From what I can see is that Love is the creator and like God love is pure, kind, and true. 

In marriage love is the glue that seals the relationship but it's not the only thing that keeps the relationship growing. Love in its purest form in a marriage is selfless. Wanting nothing but to please the other person. While this is great it appears to be one sided and true love will never allow another to be placed in a situation that is so one sided that everything is flowing out and nothing is coming in.

On our wedding day we just focus in on the surface of love. We have that all time feel of how love makes you feel vs. how lasting is love once trouble begins. With marriage love is a daily choice. It has nothing to do with feelings. It has to do with caring enough for another that you are willing to let certain things go. You are able to decide that while you may not feel it you still love anyway. 

When I think of love not only do I refer to the scripture in Corinthians but I look at the true source of love. That is God. He is love. Pure and simple. He never has to love us but He does no matter what we do or don't do. By His example we too have to love our spouses in the same way. We must love them even when we don't like them. We must love them when they prove themselves unloving for a moment or two. We must love them when they are not showing us love. When we do this in our marriage then our foundation becomes stronger and love grows. 

That seal that will keep the couple united for the course of their lifetime. So in answer to our original question "What is love?" I can only answer that love is God and His ways and examples. When we love His way there is no doubt that we will love for a lifetime.    

My Spouse Bully or Friend?

Posted on February 12, 2013 at 12:23 AM Comments comments (37)
 Who would ever think that their spouse could be their bully? As spouses you are suppose to be friends with each other. You are suppose to be together in love and peace. Together you are suppose to share your life for as long as you are blessed to be alive. However how many of us are living daily with a bully. 

I know some of you are thinking that will never be my marriage. My spouse loves me and will never attempt to push me around. Many times when a spouse is a bully the other spouse is not aware of it. The spouse that does the bullying will demand their own way the majority of the times but will do it in such a way that the spouse that's being bullied will just see it as his or her right. For example: you are watching something on TV that you have been waiting for all week. You are enjoying the program and then during the commercial break you go and get you a drink. When you come back your spouse has turned the station to the game. 

You say "dear I was watching my show I've been waiting all week to see it. Please turn it back." He looks at you and simple states that the game is on and that he always watches the game on that TV. You pick up your popcorn and drink and go upstairs to the bedroom to watch the show that you have been waiting to see. When you get up there you find out that he is recording another show. You come back down and state that you have been wanting to see this show all week and now not only has he turned it from the main TV he is recording on the only other TV in the house. He doesn't care and continue with his game and will not stop the recording.

You missed your show because he will not give up what he wants and thinks nothing of it. You are so use to giving in that you just accept it and either watch the game with him or do something else. This example is speaking about the male spouse this can also happen with the female spouse as well. The husband may want to go out with his friends for a game of basketball. He won't go because every time he wants to do something it will be a big argument. The husband is made to feel guilty because he may want some time bonding with his male friends. However when the wife wants to go shopping with her girlfriends then nothing is to be said. 

This is selfishness and a form of bullying. When we look up the word bullying it is defined as the following: Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants. To be a marital bully does not mean that you have to put your hands on the other spouse or is verbally rude. It could just be forcing the other spouse to give into your wishes when they would rather do otherwise but goes along with your forcefulness. This is not the way a spouse should act. Many times the bully in the relationship may not realize that is what he or she is doing.

They have been so use to getting what they want that they can't see that their actions are not in unity with the ways of a Godly union. We have to take control of our actions. We must remember that its no longer just about our own personal wants. Many times one spouse will ask for expensive gifts or toys. They may want a motorcycle,or race car. They may want a designer purse or shoes worth more than both of your paychecks put together. The bully will keep pushing until they get what they want. Once they get the latest want or toy they use it once and then never again. Nevertheless the payments on the toy is still coming out of the joint account.

This places strain on the marriage and then one day the bullied spouse may wake up and feel used or abused.He or she does not feel that you are treating them like a friend. They feel like they are always giving and never getting anything in return. Lets look at the definition of a friend. A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. So what we need to look at in marriage is that we need to look at our spouse as a friend. We have to treat them in brotherly love. 

We have to share mutual affection and develop a bond that does not include sexual intimacy or a sense of family. We have to treat each other with respect. We don't push our way on our spouse just because we can. We must consider each other's feelings, needs and wants. It's not fair to always want expensive things when the house needs other things. It's not fair to hog all of the TV's or the best one when your spouse has been looking at it first. One spouse should not always state what can be watched on the TV, or what movie they will go to the theater to see. If one spouse gets to pick what should be eaten in the house or where they must go every time they go out then that spouse is using a form of bullying.

Marriage is a union. Your spouse should be your best friend and true friends try to please each other. True friends love you no matter what is going on or how you act. They are able to tell you about yourself in a loving way and you still know that they care. They are there for you and at times allow you to have your way as you allow them to have theirs. Your spouse has an even bigger role. Your spouse is your mate, lover, lifetime partner, and your best friend. Your mate is your gift from God and must be treated in a gentle and holy way. 

Remember that marriage is a forward moving work in motion. You must always look for ways to improve our relationship with each other. Check your actions. Look to see if you are acting like a friend or a bully. Watch how your spouse responds to you. If you are the spouse who sees that bullying maybe going on then stop right then and there and talk to your spouse. Let him or her know how you feel. Use "I" words so that its understood that this is how you see it and how you feel. If you are the one doing the bullying then listen and then look at yourself, your motives, and actions from your spouse point of view and make changes. 

If its to the point where intervention is needed then go to your pastor, marriage mentor or ministry, or Christian counselor. If you find yourself doing this then let your spouse know that you love them and then find ways that will make him/her know that they are loved and that their needs are important to you. The union of marriage is a covenant relationship and God is the center of that relationship. If you have doubts about your action then turn to your bible and read what God has to say about how a couple should live in holy matrimony. 

Always develop checks and balances in your marriage so you will be alerted to any chance of a red flag. When that flag is seen then stop and redirect your relationship to a Godly stable unit for life. So I go back to my original question:
My spouse bully or friend? 

     




The Next Generation Still Wants Marriage

Posted on October 3, 2011 at 10:05 AM Comments comments (42)
On our new social network Feeling God there is a wonderful young lady who has a diary ministry in support of marriage. Its called "marriage the next generation". She has allowed me to use her name in this blog. I thank you marriage the next generation for your support of this ministry and Feeling God. So with that said I would like to get on with this blog.
 
Marriage the next generation. 
Many are saying that marriage as God created it is dead. That we must embrace the new and throw out the old. That marriage is meant for all no matter what their sexual orientation is. I'm not going to focus on same sex marriage. As a minister of God I can not go against His Word and Will but what I want to focus on is that no matter how the world attempt to corrupt and destroy God's Way and His Will always come through.
 
I seen this when we attended our granddaughter's first birthday party recently. We sat back and watched our daughter and her husband interact with one another. You could see the pride they had in their child and the joy of celebrating her first birthday. Everyone commented on how they got along as a couple and how they appeared so happy being married.
 
We got together after the party and my husband and I talked to the couple and informed them of what was said. Our daughter spoke about being happy and that while everything was not perfect they were truly happy. Her husband spoke about having the love of a Godly woman and the responsibility that he felt taking care of his girls. He said that he took pride in knowing that God was the leader of their home and that he directed the family in the way of Jesus. 
 
He stated that no matter what others said he never felt negative about his wife and that he was the most blessed man alive. My daughter beamed and the little family was the cutest thing that I've seen in awhile. What I also notice was that their friends had their little families there and those who did not have kids yet were married and very happy with it. 
 
Most of the couples stated that they were a part of 2r1n Christ and was learning that just emotional love was not enough. That the union was daily work but nothing worthwhile having didn't take work keeping.
 
This party was an eye opener. Just like the young lady on Feeling God "Marriage the Next Generation" the young want the stability of a Godly marriage. No matter what the world is throwing at them they are proving that God created it right from the beginning and they want to go back to the ways of the garden.
 
Thanks to all those young wonderful Godly couples who made us feel that our work is not in vain. That marriage has a place in the lives of the young and they want it GOD'S WAY!

What the World Needs Now Is Love....Sweet Love

Posted on May 3, 2011 at 1:13 AM Comments comments (43)
A great song writer Burt Bacharach
wrote a song called "what the world needs now is love....sweet love. It's the only thing that there is just too little of". I use to love that song. I was very young when the song came out but I really loved the words. I could tell that it had been inspired by God even at my young age. As we face all the worlds tragedies that have taken place lately I have seemed to be drawn back to the words of Mr. Bacharach's song.
I have never seen the world so hopeless and in despair. We have lost our love for true moral values and have replaced them with anything goes. We see it now with the breakdown of the family because marriage as created by God has been put to the back burner and looked at as if it's standards are old and obsolete.
 
Our children are growing up with the thoughts that everything that was once considered bad is good and what was considered good is now bad.
Its not good to be in a committed relationship where the spouse show love and respect for one another. Where the couple places God as the Head of their union and vow to spend their lives together for life no matter what comes their way.
Where the couple make time everyday to learn and study how to grow their marriage. How to discover ways to work out the kinks of just living together and growing in perfect harmony. Where they realize that living in today's world is rough but that living during rough and difficult times does not mean that you bring those horrible times into your marital world.
Where the couple work hard to protect their union and perserve these values so they may be passed down to their children and future generations to come.
 
As we turn on the TV each day and watch all of the many disasters going on in the world it can bring anybody down. The world's poor economy. Good people attempting to work and keep a roof over their heads but unable to find jobs or being laid off after many years of devoted dedicated service. People loosing their homes, life savings, retirement benefits while big business spends our money go bottom up and then get bailed out only to spend the bail out money on themselves.
 
To wonder why hard working law abiding citizens are being jerked around while Congress votes to reduce or hold up all things that we need to make it and then makes sure that they are given raises. While many of us are faced with rifs, mandatory furloughs, higher gas prices, and higher taxes.
Our leaders are too busy fighting about things that don't really matter while they blame each other for causing the world to be bankrupt and the working man/woman must bail them out.
 
Nature too has turned her back on us according to the news because all we see is tornadoes, hurrricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, and drought all over the world.
We hear of wars and rumors of war. People are fighting over nothing for the most part. We push out God and His Standards so therefore we become numb to all of this as we as humans begin to decline.
We are depressed, addicted to everything including food and love means absolutely nothing.
 
Burt said it right when he said:
"Lord we don't need another mountain there are mountains and hillsides enough to climb. There are oceans and rivers enough to cross, enough to last till the end of time.
I think now that we need to get back to a real love. Love for God, man and our country.
Love for each other committed to the end of each others life.
A love for good morals, honest living and all things that are good and just.
A love for hard work and a love for all people no matter what color they are, what religion they share, how rich or poor they are, how much education they  have.
A TRUE LOVE LIKE GOD HAS SHOWN MAN!!!
 
Many of us has cried out to God to show the world just a little love at this time. To give us something that would make us stop and look at true love for just a moment. We needed a world stopping love that would make us stop what we were doing for just a second and take note of something other than death, destruction, sex, addiction, natural disasters, and war.
We needed to wake up to "LOVE"
We needed to see a couple that loved each other enough to let the world know it and bring back love and fantasy even if it was just for one moment in time.
 
We sang out loud and clear to God the words to Mr. Bacharach's song
"SO HELP US LORD IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS LOVE SWEET LOVE
IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT THERE'S JUST TOO LITTLE OF
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS LOVE SWEET LOVE
NO NOT JUST FOR SOME BUT FOR EVERYONE"
and guess what guys???
GOD HEARD US
and just for one day we woke up to LOVE
HE GAVE THE WORLD
 
WILLIAM AND KATE
 
Thank You LORD
it was good waking up to Love!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
(Picture provided by yahoo.com)

Excuse me sir....but what is your picture of love?

Posted on January 25, 2011 at 2:10 PM Comments comments (24)
As we approach Valentine's Day many people who normally would not think of love begin to do so. We see men standing in line at the nearest grocery, or drug store with pink, red, and white candy hearts in hand. We see them with roses in red or whatever color they can get them. Some look as if its a chore to be doing this type of shopping. Some look as if they are completely lost just there following the leader. Then there are some who appear happy and take their time to read each card to make sure it says just the right thing. Those men pre-order their roses in her favorite color. They call ahead and make dinner reservations and to make sure she has something sparkling to wear on her finger or around her neck. What makes this man different from those who are doing it because its expected or part of their duty? What makes this man appear truly happy to bring a smile to his loves face? This man has a picture of love in his heart. He sees his spouse as that part of himself that God created from his rib. That someone made just for him. This man knows that Valentines day is set aside to outwardly show the world his love but this man shows his wife that same type of treatment each and everyday. This man when asked what is your picture of love this man sees God and knowing this he sees God as love in his spouse.

This man is a man of God. He knows what love is. Knowing that God is love and that He created marriage for man and woman to become one in Christ allows him to have a picture in his heart of his spouse that places her in the heavens. She is to be cherished as a great prize. As she devotes herself to him in respect and love he in turns gives her his love and respect. He wants to keep a smile on her face at all times. This man also understands that with love sometime there is conflict but it does not take away from the love. Conflict is worked on in a way that both parties are heard and resolution is maintained. Then at the end of the day its back to the love.

In order for anyone to love they must form a picture of realistic love in their mind and heart. They must study the attributes of Christ and see what He gave up for His Bride. Once man forms that picture in his head and heart he can't see his spouse as anything but love. There is nothing that he would not do to show his love, gratitude and thankfulness to God for giving him this gift that's greater than any precious jewel that is on earth.

So with this Valentines day just take a look at the men as they go about with their love duties. Note their non-verbal communication. You will be able to see those men who have a true Godly picture of love for their spouse just by their actions. Those men will be the ones that when asked excuse me sir...but what is your picture of love? Those men would look you in your eyes and with a smile on his face would answer...why my wife of course!!!
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