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Is This All There Is To Marriage?

Posted on July 2, 2012 at 8:19 PM
Have you every woke up one morning and looked at your spouse as he/she slept and then thought to yourself "Is this all there is to marriage?" Well I'm here to tell you that this happens more often then you think. It doesn't matter if you have been married for one year or over twenty at some point and time you just wonder if there is more too this relationship then just the everyday boring hum-drum.

You stop and think "Just where is the thrill that use to be there? Why do we do the samething over and over? Was my spouse always this boring? I thought he/she would keep me happy? Many times we enter into marriage with the wrong ideas. During our dating period we had been so close always attempting to please each other. We focused our every effort in pleasing our future mates.

Then for most of us we became engaged and the wedding planning was on. Everything was so exciting and things were moving full force for that dream day that would be all about the both of you. That day comes and its the best day ever. Next comes the honeymoon of the century. While you are on your honeymoon in some exotic place or just away from the norm you fall into this thought that life as a married couple will always be like this. 

Then you start the living process and before you know it you get into a routine. A routine that might not change for the course of your marriage. While you still love each other the the things that got you going are no longer the source of your marital excitement. That's when you have that morning wake up call and wonder if this is it?

So this is where we come in. Every couple at one time or another gets to a state where the old thrills no longer move you the way they use to. But this does not mean that its the end of your marriage. No matter when you suddenly start feeling this way then you have to stop and remember the vows of love that you took on your wedding day. You must remember that the initial fantasy like beginning is just that the beginning.

As you grow together in marriage then you have to grow together as one moving in the same direction building a life to the end of your marital life. That does not mean that you have to do everything together all the time, but what you must do is plan on choosing to love each other for a lifetime. You must meet each season with the reality that it has to offer and then see what the two of you can do to keep the sparks still burning. 

Remember each marital season has a different thrill to offer. Your job as a couple is to look for them together. While in the beginning of your marriage fantasy and physical intimacy was the driving force for the thrill as marriage moves to different seasons then you will see that maybe now sitting and talking is the thrill.Striving to obtain a house. Or building a business is the thrill. Having and rearing children is the thrill. Traveling is the thrill. Doing ministry is the thrill. The point is that there is always a thrill we just have to set in our heart to find it and cultivate it.

Looking over the seasons of my own marriage I see the many changes and the many thrills come and go. I remember when we got married in Hawaii and then stayed there for 3 weeks and honeymooned. We had so many plans and dreams. We didn't want to leave because everything seemed surreal. But soon the dream was over and we found ourselves home starting our life. Before we knew it we had children, a house, many jobs and a routine that just would not quit.

Many times I woke up and looked at my own husband thinking "really is this it?" I knew that I loved him dearly and if that was it then I was willing to give it all I had to keep the thrill flaming in our marriage. The seasons kept changing and our focus kept changing and we kept building until we found ourselves at this stage in our marriage. Before I knew it our new season and thrill went into another direction that brought us back to the thrills we had in the very beginning of our marriage.

We are closer now after over 30 years than we were in the very beginning. We are still building our marriage. Growing it everyday. Would most people think we are boring? Well yes but it works for us. The great part of this season is now I get to do all of the things that I wanted to do while we were away on our honeymoon. 

We must make an effort during every phase of our marriage. We must remember that each marriage is different and personal. Some may feel that boring, same old same old, feeling in the first years of their marriage. While others will feel it after many years of marriage. The thing is it will come and knowing that will keep you from terminating your marriage when it does not have to be.

With each season look for the new source of your thrill. Talk with each other. See where you are in the thrill department. Don't leave it to your spouse make the first step to look at your relationship making the changes that will keep your marriage fresh and healthy. Neither of you are perfect. Nor are either of you always right. Plan to work together. Keep God as the head and the author of the direction that you are going in and follow Him.

Everyday no matter what choose to love your spouse and find the effort to see the new source of the thrill. Before you know it your marriage will always move towards the excitement that keeps you two glued together. Even if that excitement is just sitting and looking at each other. This might be the season for sitting and looking as your thrill source in your marriage.

Never give up on each other. Keep looking for ways to grow and prune out the things that no longer work anymore. Marital health is the key source to keeping that loving feeling burning for a lifetime. Just remember if you are feeling that your spouse is boring maybe he/she is feeling the same about you.

As a married couple keep growing and building together for the life of your marriage. 

Categories: Courting while married

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